Yes, you read that title right.. My PTSD is a gift. Give me just a few minutes of your time to clarify with this post. The other month, my mom sent me a post that really resonated within me. It was a quote that said:
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of your life is to give it away.” -Pablo Picasso
In February 2021, I experienced a traumatic event. I was 20 years old – young, impressionable, and a people pleaser. I had a hard time speaking up for myself, so when I did and my abuser chose to ignore me, I shut down. I detached physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I went down a vicious cycle of denial, isolation, and constant fear. Fast forward to August 2023, anxiety and depression had consumed me. I found myself not wanting to live and ready to give up. I checked myself in to a mental hospital – unknowing that this decision would change the trajectory of my life.
By no means was this an easy decision. It was hard being away from my husband and almost 2 year old; I was quite literally alone in the four walls that surrounded me – BUT GOD! With time and faithfulness, He brought me out of my despair. I quit my full-time job and started full-time group therapy. Six weeks later, I transitioned to part-time group therapy. After another six weeks, I began working part-time again. By January, I was working full-time, had found my spark again, and was thriving!
John 13:7 tells us, "Jesus replied, 'You don't understand now what I am doing but someday you will.'"
I didn’t understand the pain I was going through at the time, but now I have found its purpose. What my abuser meant for evil, God meant for good. Recently, I have started sharing my testimony with other women – through Instagram, a Facebook group, and this little blog you’re at now. I have shared the anxiety and depression I suffered from due to my PTSD. I have shared how God saw me through the lowest point of my life and has helped me find my joy again. My gift that I searched my entire life to find? My testimony – my constant battle with mental health that caused me to find God and truly dive deeply into His Word. The purpose of my life? To give that gift away and share my testimony with others – to let other struggling women know they aren’t alone in their hardships. God saw me through my adversities, and He will see you through yours too. I didn’t understand why God allowed me to experience such pain, but He wanted me to help others not feel so alone and to give them hope.
If you’re sitting behind a screen reading this and feel like you can’t take one more step. If you feel overwhelmed and tired, I see you. God sees you. You will get through this, sis – one step at a time. I leave you today with one more snippet of hope:
“Then, one day, it clicks. The pain you had turns into peace as you accept that everything had to happen exactly as it did for you to be exactly who you are now. You hold no blame, bitterness, or resentment toward the experience, person, or yourself. Instead, you see it is as the catalyst that led to your change and development. The very storm that shook so much in you also worked to clear your path.” -Morgan Richard Olivier