(FROM A YOUNG MOM WITH KIDS)
As a wife, mom, or both, do you find yourself struggling to navigate adult friendships? Some days you feel like you are a terrible friend – forgetting to keep in touch and constantly guilting yourself about your failures in your relationship. Maybe you feel like you pour into the relationship more than said friend. You feel used and taken advantage of. You’re always the one reaching out and trying to make plans. News flash – I have experienced BOTH in my fresh years as a new mom and wife.. Here are a few things I have come to realize in adult friendships though…
1. Quality over Quantity.
As an adult, I find my friend group shrinking in size. On the other hand, the relationships tend to be deeper and more meaningful! If the friendship doesn’t fill your cup, it may be time to let it go. However, let me remind you – HUMANS ARE FLAWED. They will fail you. Perfection can never be the expectation or else you will always find yourself disappointed. When I encourage you to find fulfilling friendships, I encourage you to find friends that show empathy and understanding. They support and cherish you. They treat you as you would treat them!
2. Life is Ever-Changing.
Friendships adapt and evolve as people move, change jobs, get married, start families, etc. It’s totally normal for some relationships to fade while others strengthen. Don’t become discouraged from this expected transition. You will find relationships that work for your needs, fulfillment, and lifestyle! Instead of trying to force a relationship that is dwindling, pour yourself into those that are continuing to give you joy. The end of a friendship isn’t always a negative thing – sometimes, it’s just how the cookie crumbles. People, priorities, and purposes change. Roll with the punches and keep going.
3. Effort and Time.
Due to busy schedules, maintaining adult friendships can require more effort and intentionality. Check-in regularly with those high-priority friendships and make plans to keep those connections strong. Life may be chaotic, but valuable things are worth the effort. If you find true fulfillment and purpose in the relationship, continue to make it a priority. If that relationship leaves you feeling inadequate or drained, re-evaluate its worth.
4. Acceptance.
Everyone – wives, working moms, stay-at-home moms, girlfriends, coworkers – is busy and has their own priorities. Understanding and accepting this is key in maintaining realistic expectations from friendships. By maintaining realistic expectations for your friendships, you will likely find more joy in them. Many times, I have found myself questioning friendships and their purpose simply because of my own selfishness. I failed to consider the differences in priorities among individuals. However, if the priorities differ greatly in beliefs and values, it may be a sign to fizzle out the relationship. I have found no purpose or fulfillment in continuing relationships with different foundations; I believe some relation must still exist to build connection.
5. Support System.
Adult friendships can be a vital support system. I will admit – I am a family girl through and through. I have never found a friend that can support me the way my God-given family has. However, I understand not everyone is as blessed as I am in this sense. There is still something special about a friend that chooses to show up for you in adulthood time and time again – offering emotional support, advice, and companionship through life’s peaks and valleys.
6. Boundaries.
Let this be the hill I will die on – BOUNDARIES. As adults, respecting each other’s boundaries and personal space becomes vital. Let this be your sign, sis.. It is okay to say no, not right now, or maybe later. Sometimes, our social battery is drained – our own cup is empty and definitely cannot pour into others. Some topics are not up for debate – regardless of the bond, there may be things that do not need to be discussed. Some advice is not warranted or welcome. You are allowed to prioritize a relationship while still prioritizing your happiness and well-being. If anyone – family or friend – is unwilling to understand that, RUN!
7. Shared Interests.
What is one thing that can help friendships thrive? Shared interests and activities. In any purposeful relationship, there needs to be common ground and quality time. Find things you relate about – work, motherhood, religion, hobbies – and strengthen your bond through them. Obviously, you will still have differences, but isn’t it such a relief to relate to someone? From my experience, it is so much easier to be open up to someone you find commonalities with. Vulnerability is the foundation of a meaningful relationship – allowing you to truly connect and bond. That is what gives the friendship purpose!
Final Thoughts
What’s so important about friendships? They can serve you and give you joy if they are intentional and true. What are some vital things to consider and realize about adult friendships? Quality, Change, Intentionality, Acceptance, Support, Boundaries and Commonalities. Understanding these aspects can help in nurturing and valuing these relationships. In addition, it can help you discover which ones are truly serving and benefitting you. Take a minute to dwell on these questions.. What do you look for in a friend? Do you mirror the same qualities you desire? Does the friendship give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment or does it leave you feeling depleted and inadequate? Comment below which tip best helped you!